Yesterday I was going up the Long Freaking Stairway from Main Street to the Main Street skytrain, when an elderly woman coming down from the top dropped one of her crutches... and it clattered right to my feet. So, thoughtlessly, in my naïve small town way, I snatched it before it could clatter any farther and started up to hand it to her.
"LEAVE IT!!!" she shrieked. "I WANT IT AT THE BOTTOM!!!"
Oh! My mistake. My silly, small town mistake. Of course she wanted it at the bottom. God, how embarrassing.
Well by this point someone else, clearly in the spirit of the thing, had grabbed the crutch from my hand and thrown it even farther up the stairs, before hurtling up after it and escaping entirely sans criticism from the elderly lady. (Although, to be fair, she continued screaming "LEAVE IT!!!" in a voice like gravel-coated sandpaper on helium.) When it came back to her, she snatched it up and THREW it down the stairs. I ducked the hurtling crutch so as not to impede its journey any more than I already had, and continued making my way up. Even so, as I made to pass her, she stopped me again:
"I WANT IT AT THE BOTTOM!!!" she hollered directly into my face.
I feel that when all is said and done, I should be thanking this
So in case, by happy coincidence, she stumbles across this entry, I would like to take this moment to say: Thank you, lady. I hope your crutches become animated by some hapless sorcerer's apprentice and BEAT YOU INTO THE GROUND LIKE A NAIL.
Tags: susan's faith in humanity
today's forecast is: cynical